Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Time to celery-brate.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
I hope for world peas.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
"Time to wine down."
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
"Love the wine you're with."
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