What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
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