What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
"Sip, sip hooray."
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
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