Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
"I make pour decisions."
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
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