Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
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