What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
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