What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
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