What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
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