Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
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