What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
"I make pour decisions."
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
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