Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Join us for a slice of fun.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
I like you a latke!
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
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