Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
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