"You are so bottlefull to me."
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
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