I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
You knead me in your loaf.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
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