A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
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