An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Go to BabaMail
