What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
"Here for the right riesling."
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
We’re a perfect mash.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
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