Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
I love you from my head tomato
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
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