Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
"Here for the right riesling."
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
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