The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
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