I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
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