What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
"Partners in wine."
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
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