My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
"I mead more wine."
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
"Love the wine you're with."
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
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