What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
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