In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
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