What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
Everybody romaine calm.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
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