You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
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