Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
"It's wine o'clock."
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
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