While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
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