I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
"I need to re-wine my life."
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
I think therefore I yam.
Go to BabaMail
