What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
"It's wine o'clock."
"Sip, sip hooray."
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"You had me at merlot."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
"Great minds drink alike."
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
You’re wine in a million.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
"Stop and smell the rosé."
"Read between the wines."
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
"Adulting makes me wine."
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
"Love the wine you're with."
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
"Rosé all day."
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
"Alcohol you later."
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
"Say you'll be wine."
"I make pour decisions."
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
"You're the wine that I want."
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"Time to wine down."
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