Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
"Adulting makes me wine."
"Time to wine down."
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
"It's wine o'clock."
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
"Love the wine you're with."
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
"Partners in wine."
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
"No wine left behind."
"Sip, sip hooray."
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"Back that glass up."
"I need to re-wine my life."
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
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