"I need to re-wine my life."
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
"Great minds drink alike."
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
"Adulting makes me wine."
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
"Read between the wines."
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
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