What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I love you from my head tomato
This foundation is rock salad.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What a spud muffin.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I hope for world peas.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Time to celery-brate.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I think therefore I yam.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
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