I need to take this picture for my instayam
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Time to celery-brate.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What a spud muffin.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I think therefore I yam.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I hope for world peas.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
This foundation is rock salad.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Everybody romaine calm.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I yam what I yam.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
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