Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
This foundation is rock salad.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I love you from my head tomato
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
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