You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
I love you from my head tomato
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I think therefore I yam.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Everybody romaine calm.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What a spud muffin.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Time to celery-brate.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
I yam what I yam.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
This foundation is rock salad.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Keep calm and carrot on.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I hope for world peas.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
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