My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What a spud muffin.
I think therefore I yam.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Everybody romaine calm.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Time to celery-brate.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I yam what I yam.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I love you from my head tomato
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I hope for world peas.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
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