Everybody romaine calm.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Keep calm and carrot on.
I yam what I yam.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
I hope for world peas.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Time to celery-brate.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
This foundation is rock salad.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I love you from my head tomato
I think therefore I yam.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
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