I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
You've really struck a gourd with me...
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
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