Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
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