Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
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