I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
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