I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
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