Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
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