What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
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