I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
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