An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
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