What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
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