I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
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