At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
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