Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
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