What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
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