Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
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