What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
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