Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
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