What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
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