What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
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