What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
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