Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
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