Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
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