Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
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