Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
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