Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
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