What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
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