You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
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