Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
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