What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Go to BabaMail
