Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.