What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
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