What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Time to celery-brate.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
"On cloud wine."
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