We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
This foundation is rock salad.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
"Be kind, re-wine."
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
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