Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
"Adulting makes me wine."
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
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