What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
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