How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
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