Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
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