What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
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