What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
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