How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
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