How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
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