How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
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