Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
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