I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
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